Article:

I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM

By Jayne Seagrave

 

Ask me what I was doing on 14th April 1977, or 3rd January 1992, or 20th October 2010, or last Friday and I can tell you. I have kept a diary since 1st January 1976, starting when I was just 14 years old. Every day for the last 48 years I have written between 200-300 words detailing the day which has passed, my adventures, my frustrations, my emotions and more. It is an addiction, a passion, a necessity for me. In no uncertain terms it defines who I am.

I write by hand, at the end of each day. There have been days when I have gone to bed too drunk (in my younger years) or too tired (in my older years) to write, and in these rare cases I write the following day, but never with as much passion - these tardy contributions are way more clinical and if honest, fail to reflect the reality of the day just passed. There have been two periods when I was hospitalized and unable to write, but when recovered these experiences were recorded. In 1991 I broke my right wrist and had it in a cast for six weeks. I wrote badly with my left hand.

In addition to my words these hard backed books also contain an eclectic collection of personal memorabilia; a 1981 airline ticket to Karachi, Birthday and Valentine cards from boyfriends now long forgotten, entrance tickets to European museums, embossed invitations to friends weddings, invoices from foreign hotels, a theatre ticket for an opera in Latvia, pressed flowers which now have no meaning. All items placed between the pages, providing additional evidence of a past life.

At the start of the year, I document ambitions for the forthcoming 365 days. The following December these intentions are reviewed, and I pen excuses (or accolades) on why they have/have not been achieved. In purchasing a journal, I always ensure there is space for these additional thoughts. In earlier diaries I often copied out lines from songs, verses from poems, or paragraphs from novels I particularly identified with, usually when the author touched a nerve and articulated emotions I recognised but failed to have the vocabulary to describe. These writers accessed my mind, knowing my thoughts and feelings. Occasionally, I transcribed lines from a letter received, or written, usually from or to a man I thought I was in love with.

I find writing amazingly therapeutic. Although uncertain why I started, upon reflection, and with the benefit of hindsight, I think it could have been because of the emotional, hormonal upheaval I felt during the challenging, adolescent years. Writing my feelings helped with the complicated task of growing up. And this totally self-serving, selfish action has continued over the years. When I can not remember who I really am, why I am acting in a certain way, taking a specific cause of action, concerned over what the future will bring, stressing over the actions of friends and family, or just need time to reflect on what I am doing with my life, this daily ritual provides the therapy needed. I have been doing it for so long it is as normal as brushing my teeth or looking for my glasses.

The autobiographical tirade is done entirely for myself - recording achievements and reflections in a totally honest way. I never lie in this book. My diary is not for publication, or for others to see. In my teenage years I hid the journal, now I never do. My spouse, children and friends may come across it and are free to read what I write. I trust they do not.

The Internet is replete with findings documenting the advantages to writing and is not telling me anything I do not already know. According to the expert academics and psychologists writing:

- Boosts happiness, as when writing the author tends not to focus on the negative.
- Sharpens the mind and leads to mental clarity.
- Creates an understanding of oneself, with self reflection, and facilitates thinking through problems.
- Increases productivity.
- Builds discipline by writing daily.
- Leads to productive goal setting.
- Is important for dealing with, and reducing, anxiety, depression and mental health issues.

While I am in total agreement with the above, I did not start writing with any of these objectives in mind. The benefits were discovered over the years.

In summary, writing daily adds order to the chaos of life. It relieves stress and can act as a ‘brain dump’- unapologetic and self-indulgent it provides a time to reflect; a time when the writer is allowed to gain a better understanding of themselves. Traumatic life experiences – failing an exam, illnesses, the death of a close friend or family member, the rejection by a lover, can all be recorded, analysed, understood, and addressed within the pages. A diary becomes a best friend. It costs nothing, other than time. My advice to everyone is to find time to keep a journal.

 

 

Jayne Seagrave is a BC Best selling Author. The ninth edition of her book Camping British Columbia, the Rockies and the Yukon was published by Heritage House in April 2023. Over 60,000 of her camping books have been sold. She also writes fiction, non-fiction, freelance articles and occasionally teaches writing and publishing.